How I spent October 22, 2015

So it's Back to the Future day.  For those of you who don't know today was the day that Marty McFly and Doctor Emmett Brown traveled to and Marty had to save his son from doing something dumb so that he didn't cause the rest of his family go in a downward spiral. 

I wish someone could have prevented the downward spiral that was today.  Yes I'm sitting here again feeling sorry for the hand that has been given to me. 

We had another endocrinology appointment today.  But when Anastasia woke up she was shivering...I almost cancelled...perhaps I should have.  After a dose of Tylenol she seemed better.  So we headed to Albany.  Well our appointment went okay but she was due for blood work.  That meant going down to the blood lab...and getting them to draw 4 vials of blood.

Yeah that went well, they had to take the blood from the vein in her hand which hurts pretty bad as an adult, I can only imagine how bad it was for a toddler. 

I am so tired of being positive about everything with this stupid disease.  I'm tired of hurting my daughter on a daily basis just for her to live.  It's exhausting.  I know I know I do what I have to do, and I really do.  But days like today make me want to just have a good cry.

I'm sorry for another sad pity me post, but sometimes it's the only way I can get everything out so I can just move past it.

Breaking down

I am at the end of my rope right now.  Granted in a couple of weeks (or maybe days) I'll be back to my perky happy self, but for now I am overly stressed and upset at things I know are out of my control.

The dermatologist appointment went just about as expected.  Officially diagnosed with alopecia univertalis.  It's very hard to treat, even worse with someone as young  as Anastasia.  However for now we are trying a steroid cream in a small part of her head for a few weeks to see if it helps.  He is also going to ask his colleagues at Columbia Presbyterian for some insight.

I keep thinking what on earth could I have done to cause this to happen to my baby?  Yes I know it's nobody's fault but I wish it was just so I can blame someone. 

So we have this stressing me out as well as Anastasia just not behaving for me.  I can't tell you how many times I have been talked back to for the past few weeks.  It kills me.  I have pretty much had it.  I wish I could go one week without her being a snot to me.  It's all just part of being a parent I guess.

And now for something else different..

So the past month we have noticed that Anastasia's hair has been thinning a lot.  Almost to the point where she has bald spots.  We finally went to the doctor today and it is possible that my 2 year old may have alopecia.  Great...guess what could have caused it...yup T1 diabetes.  Even better we don't even have an answer if her hair will grow back. 

I miss fixing her hair.  I hate how this disease keeps changing our life. 

I am sorry for the vent but I just am so upset about it.