Triggers

  I used to think I was immune to be triggered by anything, but that is no longer the case.  Certain events in my life have caused things to trigger me.  I can't watch the episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 when Andrea gives birth to her daughter Hannah because I've been through premature birth.  There's a certain Signed Sealed Delivered movie on Hallmark I can't watch because it deals with HELLP syndrome and the gravity it could cause.

  But this week I was triggered by something Ana is going through at school and it has sent me back over 20 years.  All school year Ana has dealt with 2 girls in her class who were her very good friends being mean to her.  Until yesterday I hesitated to call it bullying but frankly it is. 

  During gym yesterday Ana let me know that one of the girls said she was a loser.  I assured her she wasn't.  Looking at her face and seeing little tears roll down her cheeks has broken my heart and as a parent it is very hard for me to see her go through this so young.

  After she went to bed I emailed her teacher and explained while it could have been a case of she said she said I didn't believe it would be so.  I really don't believe Ana would make up someone calling her a loser, because quite frankly we don't talk like that at home. 

  When I went to bed my mind started racing and I thought of all the times I had been bullied.  I've been pushed down stairs into a group of people, I've had someone kick my butt really hard while I was at my locker.  There were times I had to avoid bringing my flute to classes because one girl in particular (even though she was also in band) would find it funny to take my flute out of my desk.  The kicker was Senior year in high school when I had to have a friend drive me home because all the freshman on my bus route got their kicks out of making fun of me because I didn't drive, and because I didn't have a boyfriend.  It was never the ride to school, always home.

  Yes I got through it without anyone interceding on my behalf, but it has affected me. It probably sucks even more because I tend to remember many things.  I can tell you names of almost everyone involved in these instances, with the exception of the kid who kicked me in the butt because I don't remember even really knowing him!

  So today I am a worry wart, hoping I did the right thing by telling the teacher, and not making things worse for Ana.  I can't get her sad face out of my head wondering what she did wrong to make 2 girls who loved to play with her last year to turn against her. 

  I know she is better off without them, but try explaining that to a 7 year old who just doesn't understand what she did to deserve this......