One Year Ago

If you asked me over a year ago if my daughter had diabetes I would have told you "no she's just growing and likes her milk."  A year ago tomorrow we were dicharged from Albany.  In many ways working with the pump I feel we are back to that day. 

We check her blood at least 13 times a day and pray that we have a good day...or 2.  We have a couple of good checks but nothing spectacular.  I do love that Anastasia has more confidence.  Today we were in Target and when we checked out the cashier asked how she was and Anastasia immediately pulled up her shirt to show off her pump pouch.  The cashier didn't understand but of course why would she. 

I've cried alot in private this week.  Reading my posts on Facebook from last year and seeing the fear and total loss of direction.  I'm still lost at times.  Anastasia's hair was growing back but it seems to have receded again.  Very upsetting for me. 

It's been a tough year.  I'm hoping the next one is better.  I pray it is, because my baby girl deserves it.

A life revolving around Diabetes.

I am so tired...

Really tired.  I should be sleeping, I don't have to check Ana's blood for another 3 hours.  Yet here I lay awake.  I feel like it's a year ago and we are back to square 1.

I know we're not but it's hard not to feel that way when we are testing blood at least 12 times a day, sometimes more.

To make things worse Anastasia has a really painful rash that isn't getting any better....underlying cause...probably the diabetes.  Thankfully we can get a strong cream and it will clear it up.  But that means taking her to the doctor (which I hope I can do tomorrow).

Thursday and Friday I had some really bad dizzy spells.  I would lay down and after a few seconds the room would spin.  They seem to have gone away but it still was scary.

It may have been a little reminder to take care of myself.  But for now I can hopefully get some sleep...

Over 72 hours have passed...

(Photo is courtesy of my friend Ange)

So it's been a crazy, happy, stressful, chaotic 72 hours.  On Friday morning I got a call from the head nurse from the Glucose Management Team of Animas.  It was a 45 minute call, basically giving me an introduction to the program Anastasia is now in and how her blood sugar will be monitored.  I have homework for the next few days from our workbook, and honestly I feel like we have just rewound back to last June.  We are starting all over again just with another piece of technology.

Blood sugar is checked upon waking in the morning, 2 hours after every meal, bedtime, midnight and 2 am.  If we change her site we have to add another check 2 hours the site is changed.  If she has high blood sugar (which she has had) we have to check 2 hours after the high blood sugar to ensure it's going down.

We suspect her carb ratios are not right resulting in the high blood sugars, again like in June its just trying to figure out the right formula for our girl.

Friday afternoon I had to change her site since she had a messy poop and it went all over her site.  I diverted from the procedure we were given which resulted in a very stressed out mommy and little girl.  Saturday we got to go to Anastasia's friend's birthday party.  The difference in her behavior from the party last year and this year was outstanding to me.  I have not seen Anastasia so happy in a long time.  She had so much fun playing with her friends and showing off her pump.  

She is so proud of it.  She loves it when I administer her insulin from the remote.  When she knows I have done it she smiles and looks at her pump and says "I got my insulin!"  

We are so happy she is taking to the pump so well.  We ordered a pouch for her so hopefully soon that will come and make dressing her a bit easier (for now no dresses :(  ).  

And we are live....

This is a blurry picture, but you can see the joy on Anastasia's face.  She is showing off her insulin pump which went on here at 6:45 pm today.  She is so happy and cannot stop talking about wearing it.  There was a challenge getting her site in, she knew we were putting it in her butt, and she hates getting her lantus in there but once we were done she was okay.  I am so proud of her.  She truly is so brave and my little hero.

So now we have to call our glucose management team representative tomorrow with numbers (oh joy this again hahaha).  We also have to wake up several times a night to do checks (more than just the 2 am).  It is worth it though.  To see the smile on Anastasia's face about not getting anymore needles except a site change every 2 days (which of course we will do when she is sleeping).

I am so grateful that now we are on a new journey, a pumping journey.

The app I love and hate at the same time...

I love and hate the app Time hop at the same time.  I love it because it shows all your past fb & instagram posts for the day in years past (as well as tweets).  I hate it for pretty much the same reason. 

I enjoy seeing posts and comments about my accomplishments  (when I got my job at Hallmark, the first sonogram pics of Anastasia, feeling good about my job etc).  But now we are getting close to it being a year after our diagnosis and what I am seeing is actually making me question myself as a mom.

I know I shouldn't dwell but that is just who I am and what I do.  In today's feed there was a picture of Anastasia watching cartoons on our tablet.  She had been sick the day before and I just stared at the picture wondering why didn't I see that she still looked sick?  Why did I think she was better?

Looking back I know I should have listened to my mom when she suspected  Anastasia was diabetic.  I should have taken her to a doctor sooner.  But I can't change the past. I can learn from it though,  and as I struggle through the next few weeks I pray to have the courage to stay strong during our transition from syringes to the pump.

This is the hand we were given and we will make the best of it no matter what.

7 days

Next Thursday is our scheduled insulin pump start.  Training went okay last week.  I am confident in administering insulin from the pump, now all I have to do it feel comfortable with loading the insulin into the pump and putting the needle which Anastasia's site in.

Everytime we practice with the meter and pump Anastasia says "look it's my pump!  no more needles!"  I pray this is true.  I pray with every fiber of my being that this works out because if it doesn't it will be like we wasted a ton of money on this device.

So if you can say a prayer or send us a positive thought.  We truly do appreciate it.

Many apologies for not posting alot recently, May has been a whirlwind between my competition, MOD walk, Mother's Day, and this training.   Not to mention allergies, and a lingering cough which is very tiresome.

Hopefully I will get in a better habit of posting our journey....and soon.

Stressing

So in less than a half hour our pump trainer will be here to start us on our journey with our insulin pump.  To say I am scared and nervous is an understatement.  I pray we are doing the right thing and that we have everything. 

It's been a busy time for us.  On May 2 I had my regional chorus competition.   Then the 3rd I had the March of Dimes walk.  After that it was the craziness of working the week before Mother's Day...and finally our card revision at work (which was much easier this year than 2 years ago).

During all this I have gotten a cold or been affected by allergies or both.  So all this Chaos and not feeling 100% has been just ducky.

So if you could say a prayer for our training session because it's very overwhelming for me.